Tuesday, July 30, 2013

My Husband

The man in my life is a very complicated person.  He was never the type of person who showed his emotions often.  He always kept everything in, and wouldn't share what he was feeling.  My father-in-law passed away 7 years ago from unnatural causes (can't get into it here, but it wasn't good).  My husband and his dad were really close when he was younger, but fell out of regular communication as he got older (living 2,000 miles apart didn't help).  When my father-in-law's wife (not my mother-in-law) called to give my husband the news, she was very callous about it.  She actually waited an entire day before she let anyone in the family know.  Anyway, as usual my husband kept his emotions inside, but it changed him.  He became a quieter, angry person.  It got to the point where I considered taking the kids and leaving if he didn't get some help. 

Getting help for him wasn't easy at first because he didn't want to accept that he needed it.  When he finally hit rock bottom (again not something I can share here), he realized for himself that he had to get help.  Once he got in touch with his anger, it was like a whole new person emerged.  He still tries to keep his emotions in check, but it's not always easy for him.

During his recovery period, I really began to feel the effects of the fibro.  At this point I didn't know I had fibro, but I knew something was wrong with me.  I have to say that even through his darkest period, my husband always put my needs first.  I knew it was hard dealing with my issues while trying to deal with his own issues, but he managed to do both without slipping back into that dark, angry person.  He kept me going when the depression set in, and helped me through it.

This past year was rough on him as I dealt with my latest health crisis, and his emotions actually got the best of him during this time.  It frustrated him that they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, and I think the thought of something possibly being wrong with my heart or lungs really freaked him out.  But once again he was my rock when I needed him the most. 

Anyway, my husband is no longer that person who can control his emotions so easily anymore.  Case in point, I made him a new profile picture for his facebook account last night.  I thought it would be nice to make a picture that included his grandfather (he passed away right before my oldest was born), his dad, him, and our two boys.  He became really emotional when he saw it, but it was a good emotional.  It's nice to know that he can see a picture of his dad now without going into his dark place.  Here's the picture I made him:

Grandpa Claude at top, Gene (FIL top left), Brian (top right), Spencer (bottom left) and Shane (bottom right)